2.5.2000» For those of you who don't know what Final Fantasy Anthology is, welcome back from those Himalayan snow caves. Anyhow, Final Fantasy Anthology is a re-release of two really great Super NES games: Final Fantasy V and Final Fantasy VI, as well as a music CD with music from the games. It has nice packaging, a color manual, extra never-before-seen movies, and Final Fantasy VI had a bonus mode for those who played the game through. With all those extras, you'd think that RPG fans would be happy.

Yeah, right, and as long as we're dreaming, I'd like a pony.

Yes, this incredible package even included a game which RPG fans have been asking Square to translate since 1992! Yet somehow, instead of being happy (which is a state I'm beginning to believe is impossible for RPG fans as a group to experience,) RPG fans -- amazing as it may seem -- got even more pissed off!

There were numerous complaints about the release, such as the omission of Final Fantasy IV from the package, the cruddy songs on the Soundtrack CD, and how shoddy the games had been ported from the Super NES, but in the end, so what?

Thats right: So fucking what? Nobody forced you to spend your money on the games. In a free market economy, corporations exist to make a profit. Contrary to popular belief, videogame companies do not exist to please the fans. They exist to make money. If they can make money by creating good games and selling them to people who want to play them, they will. If they can make money by killing us all in our sleep and selling our organs, they would probably do that too.

Now I'm sure there are some people within videogame companies that care about the games they're sending out, or we'd all be dead with our organs removed, but the companies as a whole could not care less about what we want except as relates to us spending our money.

Those are the facts of capitalism. They can be harsh, especially if you still have some childish idealism left, but they're the truth.

So what is going to be more effective in getting videogame companies to create better games and give us what we want?*

1. Writing bitchy emails to videogame companies.
2. Starting an email petition to get the same one hundred people to send one hundred emails each to videogame companies complaining.
3. Flooding Mailing Lists/Newsgroups/IRC Channels with your arguments as to why these games suck, being sure to shout down and insult anyone who doesn't agree with you.
4. Not buying games we don't think are worth our money.

Now I know that some members of the population (collectively known as "idiots" or "morons") will continue to write scathing editorials charging Square with being -- of all things -- a greedy corporation!

OH MY GOD!

Even worse -- yes, it unfortunately gets worse -- they charge that Square only realeased Final Fantasy Anthology to make money!

HOLY FUCKING SHIT!

Yes, sadly its true. Square has sold out. The Squaresoft staff -- no longer content to let their children starve so we could have better RPGs ("Quiet, Hiro-chan! I know you're hungry, but we must not lose our game-creating integrity just so we can meet basic living requirements! It would be shameful!") -- has sunk to enhancing games that were previously released on a sixteen bit system and porting them to the PlayStation, simply so they can pay for things like food and shelter! You don't see respectable RPG companies like Working Designs doing underhanded things like that.

I expect to have people disagree with me in regards to the opinions expressed herein, so if you don't like my opinion, here's what to do:

1. Type or Hand-write a message explaining in detail why you believe I am wrong.
2. Put the message in a large manillia envelope, and put your return address and postage on it.
3. Seal the envelope.
4. Write "I am a big fucking idiot." on the front of the envelope, as big as you can write it.
5. Fold the envelope as small as you can, and shove it corners-first into the orifice of your choice.

It's that simple!

(Alternately, you could email me, but keep in mind I reserve the right to publish anything you send me.)

*The correct answer is four.